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Me

Rex writes in his blog often. I do not. I do not know what to write. I have nothing to say. So... Um.
Merry Chrisatmas.

a little piece of me is gone...
I guess. I am thinking a bit. About myself.
I miss Zeke. I hope he is okay...whereever he is.

ToZeke:
Meow mew Mew MewMeoooow.
Meeeow Mewmew meew.
Mew purr mew pur.

Meow meow. MEOW.
I miss you,I love you. I wish, that if you are still alive,
out there somewhere, you would come home to me.... Please.

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The hate

I've been thinking latley...about it all.
All of this...
This raging war within.
The calling of my soul..
Crying out

For understanding..
For love
acceptance

People can have so many faces..
so many lies
living in denile
selfserving
consuming them....
I try to forget

but i cannot block out the sound of their souls
calling out
crying
for understanding
for love

Perhaps that is our only common ground
the deep, endless, painful, buring of this hate.
We hate together
we hate

Back

I've been way to lazy to up date this. I geuss I just feel like it doesn't matter.
But whatever, I 've been great ..

I am busy at work (Same Day Dry Cleaners)
I've been there for almost two months.

I still find myself at Reflections at 3am on the odd weekend....Same old same old.
Bedford Days rocked!!!! Those fireworks were AMAZING. Stuff like that could make a person want to move out there.

Anyhoo. I'll be gaming out with the guyz tommorrow. I will be playing a summoner. 5th level. His name will be Zeke.....from Zanarkand.

Wish me luck in all I do.

Starting Over : a pilgramage to find myself...

The world can whirl around you with uncanny speed and with no regard for anything ....so much can transform and change...

but still you find you are the same inside....

obtaining the change within takes time and courage and strength....and will.

I geuss I thought that there was one starting line and one finish line in life and you only had to do things once......

but falling behind and having to begin that race again...and start all over....to lose everything you had...and begin again ....is so frustrating....but humbleing....no one is above this journey...

I have had trouble with this... but we all have...this gives me strength...

Beautiful

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Living the Dream...MY DREAM!

Wish me luck world!! I am an artist!

I am going to sell my paintings! I have always been told that
I have such talent....So... I am not going to sit around and
daydream anymore...
Tomorrow I will take my paintings down to Springgarden Rd and sell them.

I believe! and I have faith. Now I need luck! (Hee Hee)

Sicky Girl

I have been sick all weekend... I have white spots on my throut I had to go to the hospital yesterday. It is a viral infection.

And I don't feel up to writing too much.

I am watching the news and looks like the Pope is on his death bed.. Iam not Catholic....Let alone religious at all so.

but it's fasinating to see how this is all unfolding for these people. I feel so sad for them.

I wonder who the new Pope will be........... I wonder when we will cease to have Popes......

I'm not sure wht I am trying to say....

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Bing bong...

What a beautiful day it is today. I can'i wait to spend it with you baby.
Sometimes I think about God... And how things were whan he was around.... I think I definitly felt more at peace with everything I did. Like no matter what happens, He'll be there for me when I need him....

I suppose I hadn't realized how naive a person I was...

Cause one day I woke up and he wasn't there. I waited for a while and every so often I called his name... I even gave myself the benifit of the doubt that he might be off answering someone elses prayers...........

Too bad....cause I REALLY needed someone.....

And then it dawned on me...You cannot rely on anyone but yourself.......

It's difficult at times to hold yourself (when you are crying and alone)and tell yourself that "everything will be okay"

A year or so later I saw another light...." you can't even rely on yourself sometimes....."

either that or the Devil had finally employed his master plan on me....

I did not see any of it coming.....
And here I sit still afterall of my sky came down and I wait in the dark... afraid to make another move-that I might fail or fall again....I am all out of bandades...

Don't you feel the same way?

SLAVE

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I love Chinese brush painting!!!!!( that's not a chinese brush! ...)

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See I have the biggest cock in all of Halifax!!! (Hee Hee)

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Who is a Zeke?

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Sleepy

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Manic

I am still only young and.... confused and frustrated. Sometimes I wish I knew myself as well as you know yourself. Older, wiser,...

I am just a crazy little Zeke!

what are you going to do?

I want to be pink while I shine green and flash blue.

I am spinning around in circles trying to paint my favorite chinese symbols while holding my Ku and singing "My Bing-a-ling my bing-a-ling, I want you to play with my bing-a-ling"

One leg in a sexy dress and one in a pair of raver pants, a beer in one hand and a skittle in the other.
Glow sticks in my pockets and, while I rush to work at 11:30 at night It hits me that I have been on medication for over a year....WhO ...iS a ...zEkE..:":",l....

I sing along with Bjork in the back room of concessions with my mop and bottle of windex which I am certin is what is giving me that unsightly rash on my right arm...

I remember when I was beautiful and things were simple. Perhaps it is just the winter blues....... I hope a new me will bloom with the spring flowers......

I wish I were a cat.....

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I catch you with the sunrise....

I love now when I sneek into your room at Stad during the early bits of the morning, right after I get off work.
It's such hard work too. My hands are so red and sore everyday. So many chemicals to handle...I sometimes don't feel very pretty. but you make me feel beautiful. I love you so much and wish things were easier like in the beginning...but we are working hard.....I am kinda sleepy right now....it's early and I have been up since yesterday....

I sometimes wish I was a cat.

Wishful thinking?....

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I am a vampire.

I feel you holding me and it feels to soft. You are the stone wall I sit on top of...from you I can see so many great things ahead...
I think to myself about all those moments where the dark side of the force had consumed you - but lost it's hold every time I pulled down on its source of power...

I work every night at 11:30 till after 7 am. So I have to consort with other vampires of my kind. Perhaps I'll join a guild. I get to see movies for free though and you can come with me my love.

I hope Our weekends will make up for all our lost time during the weekdays-or nights I should say.

"Kiss me once, kiss me twice.......com'on pretty baby, kiss me deadly!"

I'm lonely ...

I had a dream last night....but you were not in it...

I was alone...There was another man there though...and I had to be around him for saftey.I think someone was after me...but I remember feeling like I was not happy with this guy and I wanted to get away...

Then I woke up and wanted to have you hold me...
cause I was back in reality and you were there and I needed you but you had to go to work. I will see you later though...

and perhaps we will just lay and hold eachother for a while...apreciating one another...

I love you so much dearest.... I ache for your warm strong touch....

So much love..

P.S still wishing... but now in silence...

Getaway

We finally got away from the speed of the city and into the quiet of the country.So beautiful... We stayed at the Blomidon Inn at wolfville. It was amazing..
Later we went to visit my family where you met my step-dad, Chris..The Great Chef!!

And now you know you will never be as cool as him because he got to see Iggy Pop LIVE and you haven't yet...(Tee Hee)

We were supposed to go skiing but once we got into our room with the Queen size bed and Jacuzzi...we stayed inside for most of the day...

We bought some expense bubble bath and filled up the tub with that.It was deep enough for us to hide in.Then I poured A LOT of bubbles in and we got a mess all over the placee (Hee Hee).. I love you sooo much Rex.

We took my younger brother Ryan out for Pizza. He's a smart kid with a wicked head on his shoulders.. I remember beforeI turned 16.......
I really enjoyed the brakfast in the morning when it beagan to snow...just lightly..

so romantic...

you always are....

that's way I love you soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much.

I will always be your Hot Little Thing!

P.S I am still wishing.......

"True love doesn't have a happy ending, true love has no ending.

Dreams

I dream of your touch while you are away,
I dream of your smile all through the day,

I remember the day,
You came into my life,

I dream of the day I will be your wife.

I dream of the day I can fall asleep next to you,
I dream of the day I can say I do.

To be your wife,

To be together for life,

Is a dream I have,

Every night.

Coffee and Cigarettes....

I love going out for coffee. Especially with you my love. It's my favorite time. A time when we can sit and be silly.
Somtimes we make fun of the service or lack there of.....(Hee Hee)

I just love to have you opposite of me so I can lose myself in your eyes. There is always such a warmth in them. And we both become so euphoric...we fall silent...expressing our love to eachother in "the stare".

You still always open the door for me to the Jeep.....So romantic.
Your hand always rests on my thigh when we ride, unless you are shifting gears.... or we are singing to "I only want you...."

Tomorrow is Love Day...
I love you Rex!

HLT

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Tasting you.....

I grow impatient...
I desperatly want your hot desire for me to be satisfied....

Alas, we must wait...But untill then, everytime your hand caresses the inside of my hot little thighs, when we ride in the jeep...

I will close my eyes and imagine it is really your tongue..I quiver at the thought..
Mmmm.....
I will drop to my knees and worship your manhood...

With the edges of my lips dancing on the tip of your hot hard .....

A warmth grow between my legs when I think of how I want you to dominate me..
Violate Me..
hurt me...
Take me...
Satisfy your self in me....
How I grow so unfathomably desperate for these things......

I love you ....
I lust after you...
Love your Hot little Thing

Goodnight....

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Sweet Dreams

Last night I had a strange dream(funny, my dreams are always strange....) Part of it included Rex. We were in a feild. We had walked there from his jeep parked aways. It was like a movie-The The camera was spinnng around us. Rex proposed to me, but I remember feeling really scaredbut I also remembered feeling that I hated the ring. But I said I liked it anyway. And feeling really unsure but not wanting to hurt his feelings I said "yes" anyway. The later I went home to find my roommate Dina in our Kitchin which was now two kitchens. But there was dirt all over the floor. She had potted a bunch a new plants but left such a mess. Then her mom came to visit and said the apartment was a mess.
I also remember running into an old "party" buddy and confessed my inability to conrtrol my self anymore.....She and I discussed her "weaknesses" as well.
Sometimes I reasearch the meaning of my dreams or try to figure them out myself.. I often wonder...

Happy Love Day!

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I missed the sunset...

As I sit here trying to think of what to write, I realize this is not my thing but to humuor you all I'm going to do this anyway, but I gaurentee it won't be entertaining. So this week end is Valentines..... I guess this is a flourist's favorite time of year (yak).
So all you guys better get yer girls flowers and shit. That's just manditory all the other stuff you give here is to solidify the current status of the relationship.(Jewels, ballons, chocolates,hotel...ect..whatever.)
I heard once that there is like a chart or some sort of rule Depending on how long you have been together you get her something unique to that time frame...interesting.
Now listen boys...FLOWERS ARE MANDITORY!!!!!
I cannot stress this enough. Even in the summer Everyday you go to her house. You should be bringing flowers every day!! What do you mean "Evereyday" Well Man Look Flowers are growing on the frickin' side of the road-You can pick them for free!NO EXCUSE S!! then you can get creative and ( bonus**this is cheap** but it works for you low budget guys) Hemp string or some old shoelace to tie them together. It's cute! just make sure the shoelace dosen't smell like your feet-
Anyhoo. Good luck guys don't let yer chick down! She's counting on you!!
PS> Major Tip- If she says "You don't have to do that" or get that or so on.-You better do it anyway. As long as she's not asking for your credit card. You guys deserve that much!!