Everything comes and goes. Smiles. Tears.
Everything. Nothing is forever
except the need
for something
to pretend to be.

Things to pass, and things to come...

The sharp cold wind whipping my hair into my face,

the icy rain matts it to my face..
or is it my tears..

I cannot think...

I can barley even see...

the blur, that you say is life.

This mis shapen dark force that cuts deep

deep
into me.

you keep cutting dear

deeper.

and deeper

....

soon

you know,
there will be nothing left of me.......
but your not the type to plan ahead

Wow,

looks like I was wrong.
Maybe I am not pregnant.
The test came back negative.

More tests tommorrow...but Why am I feeling all these things?

But now I question If I should....
all I can do is wait I suppose....


Like my world is turned upside down...

Hunter Valentine....

She always claimed to be a bad-ass girl
She said 'nobody can touch me, nobody can hit my world'
So I just stood aside and watched her fall to her knees
Until the day she stopped saying 'fuck you' and started saying 'please'

I just want to live in this world free
And I just want to be praised for being me
I'm so tired of following your standards of what to do
Who cares if I just met you, I know that I'm in love with you

So lay back and take a toke
And laugh hard at my joke
It's okay if you choke
Better luck next time

Now she's flipping through this world like it's an endless fashion magazine
And she'd die for her passion, but she can't find an in between
He always says he loves her, but she doesn't really care
'Cause the one she really loves would never dare

She takes a stroll through this park and thinks of impossibilities
She thinks how easy life would be, if she could live with the rocks
and the trees
She kills herself over the things she doesn't know
Like all the paths she could be taking and destroying her ego

I just want to live in this world free
And I just want to be praised for being me
I'm so tired of following your standards of what to do
Who cares if I just met you, I know that I'm in love with you

So lay back and take a toke
And laugh hard at my joke
It's okay if you choke
Better luck next time

And in the most desperate vicious moments..
People will do anything to "get" you...

"you'll end up a coke sniffing mother just like """"" and go around sucking dicks...."

I can often almost hear the snap and sizzle of brain circuits failing.

The insanity of these comments is extreme as they are random..and pointless,
except to cause some sort of emotional stress..

Sigh...


Pain

Maybe we were not meant to be...

Mistake?

Its so scary...
cause I only get one chance..

Am I making a mistake?

This one I will regret...
forever...

It hurts to live...
Everyday...

Can someone actually have too black a mind to find real happiness..

Yeah, Yeah. I know
Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar, Brian Tracy....Happiness is a choice. I've exersied all your "mind training" activities. I've been there. I was happy. I changed bad feelings into good. But should I have to do it my entire life?



Jesus......

Never

So another Sunday Morning…

Another.

I can’t understand….

What is so fucked up.

What is.

And

What is not.

But it doesn’t seem to matter….

To anyone else,…

How I feel about it all.

I don’t think it ever has.

Mattered that is….

SO…This morning in the shower, was your

Money as hard earned as it was an hour later in your fucking truck?

Jealous because I got a financial break.

And really my money is more hard earned than your. I sweat more and work harder than you physically.

I respect you and all your money……Why can’t you respect mine..

But that’s okay ....honey. (so Cold....)

And every time you screw around like this.............

You think you can hurt me like this every time and I won’t do anything about it?...............

I will be the most evil....

you've not ever imagined the likes of me................

And you’ll never be able to take the hurt away,.............................

So Fuck you...........................

Thoughts, thoughts and?

"I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring...............

Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall,............

the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will.

What carries you to the other side of that wall,

to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?"

Nothing......

Every love I have felt,

I still do.

And always will.

Noone can stop me.

I may never act on these......fellings....

But I willl always have them.

my love is immortal.......

Nothing can destroy it....

Is that so wrong?