The deamons within

Smoke and Mirrors (DC)

This day is how I feel,
This heartbreak so unreal,
Lost in wondering all the whys,
Downers keep away the cries,
But doesn't help the fact he lied,
Doesn't help the pain inside
My heart is split, open wide,
I feel as if I just fucking died.
Wondering if I'll find any hope,
Instead of just trying to cope,
Cause I'm losing my soul
in all of his dope.
And he doesn't know it's actually a rope,
And my entire life is about to choke,
Cause I don't really care about the other girls, I was willing to share my world,
But that poison you can't live without,
Is what this break is all about,
It's toxic darkness pollutes your mind
And makes you cruel, malicious, unkind
I thought that I could help you come around,
Only to find I was the one that drowned
And now I'm lost searching for myself,
While you still try to make that poison your wealth,
Baby, I can hardly breathe,why don't you hurry and come save me?
Is this the price I that I must pay
For helping you to live past that day?
I saved you once,
Now won't you do the same?

this shadow of mine..
always at the edge of my light

Hope

Rushing forward, without any real momentum
but anything to keep from looking back.....

knowing at any moment,
a simple stumble
will bring me back down on my knees...

but HE keeps it so soft and beautiful..
He keeps the hope in me....

and so I keep hope for "US"

for too often
 I fear
"I" have long gone...

still lingering,
in some dark self loathing shadow years ago
trapped in my own memories
forever suffering those heartwrenching moments
over and over
and over
and over
and over
and over
and over and over
...
again

so yes.
I hold on to hope.

I can take it

what an incredible experience,

to have been there..

holding the warmth in him, 

until it slowly faded away

perhaps I kept some of that warmth in me

that energy

if my body stole even just a bit of that warmth

its a part if me forever

existing untill I pass it on somewhere ...

or someone else

like diving into an ocean of bricks

head on

into chaos and catastrophe 

literally crushed beneath these waves

but hey,

hit me, I can take it.

I was built to endure this world

and everything it throws at me

I try to remember to stay humble.

I exercise mindfulness and always keep an open mind.

I strive to maintain an artistic interperation of the world

and be creative with everything I do, especially in all my relationships.

always put myself in others shoes and above all, observe and listen as often as possible.

I live off music, like him, it is the most important part of my life.

Those sounds move me....just like he did.

deep inside my soul, 

without intent,

over time,

he moved me

his pain, 

his happiness,

his struggles 

his triumphs

I often wonder

did he cry as much as I did..

I wish I had visited more, especially in those last two years, because those were the loneliest ...

and I certainly cried a lot

healing takes time...and I was so impatient.

but I didnt want him to see the mess I was in....

Never thought Id see the day so soon,
sitting underneath your lonely moon
baby baby
Its you I loved my dear,
please dont leave alone out here

Ive been cold to ya baby,
your heart I decieved
maybe I never really did care
It was all make believe

Ooo what a devil Ive been
Ooo ooo how Im cold to the core
but oo baby your loving warmed me
melted me right to the floor

How can I make it right now baby?
your long gone with out a trace
All I have is an aching in my soul
as I remember your angel face

I've been a no good ,down right dirty dog
and Im left to howl at your lonely moon
oo oo baby wont ya come back soon?
oo oo baby  please come back soon

Ooo what a devil Ive been
oo ooo how Im cold to the core
but Oo baby your loving warmed me
melted me right to the floor

repeat chrous

Changes

Leaving for Edmonton in two weeks. Moving there with Kyle. Driving up with Evan and Bre.
Bone and Butters will be flown up once we are settled.
The snakes will travel with us in the truck. Pepper and Drum n Bass
Nervous and excited.
Terrified but so happy.
I'm 31.
Kyle is 23.
What a time this could be......
;)