Christmas Is coming...

And I suppose I feel very excited as I am surrounded by many positive things...
But I am not doing anything anymore.
I don't want to work, but I do. I'm nervous of new things and realize Since my release from the Military, I have'nt held a job down for any longer than 10 months... in three years

And I think that is bad...or is it.
Does it matter. Noone else but me really cares or thinks about it...
So does anyone care about me?

I don't use half as much as I use to, but I feel less than I was when I was using...
I can't understand.
So I think, everything will change if we start a family. Where I will be kept busy for years....
Sometimes I still miss the military....
Sometimes....I don't...

Sometimes I miss who I was...
Sometimes I don't ....

I have no clue where to go from here, and I don't even want to go anywhere anyway...
I just wish the guilt would go away...
all the guilt..