and I did it,

I cryed every step of the way.

I practically dragged every footstep I took,

weeping
not wanting to go as if someone was pulling a child away from their mother,
I wanted to stop myself,
but know this has to be done.

cringing, a dull heavy crushing ache ,
ripping an endless void inside me...

But I went and I cryed to them and I stayed there.
in that safe house.
safe..

from myself.

safe

and I have to to this. I am cheating myself out of the life that we were all really made to live.
And Its incredibly huge, tthe effort it takes to REALLY do that.
To take FULL AND COMPLETE RESPONSIBILITY of MY life.
It is me in the morning that I wake up to and It is just Me at the end of the day.
There will never be anyone else.
Lovers will love and grow away..
But it will always be just me.

So I must....

always

Just Be.

( I believe this was written when I escaped to BC. Stoped dealing and ended my casual escort position which I needed to tosuplemement my lifestyle costs when I did party. Just reflecting the relativity of my current dispotion in life.
The metamorphosis continues.Added Sun/April/3rd)